Stellar Stowaway (TK)

She felt that it was deeply ironic that, even after they had reclaimed Rannoch and made peace with the geth and broken the cycle of the Reapers forever, Tali would still be out in the galaxy scavenging for the quarians.
At least now, she had the excuse that she was looking for raw materials her people could use for legitimate applications rather than whatever bits and bobs they could repurpose that the rest of galactic society wouldn't miss, but it still seemed rather unfair that they couldn't all just sit back and breathe for a year or two. But- like almost always- the majority of the Admiralty Board didn't see things from her point of view, and for lack of anything better to do, she figured she'd commandeer a ship of her own and do the job herself. It was much less exciting than her last adventures in the Milky Way, but on the bright side, she wasn't under any obligation to talk to the Board beyond sending an email every so often. She was unfortunately too busy to use the QEC and appear 'in person', and more importantly, there was no way they could prove she wasn't.
The process was simple enough- find a planet, scan for minerals, launch a probe, collect goodies, repeat steps two through four, and make sure to leave some for the rest of the galaxy. Today promised to be different- perhaps beneficially so, as half the work had (hopefully) been done for them. The ship had picked up repeating broadcast from a planet bearing some form of pre-spaceflight civilization- there was little reason to worry, as it was far enough away from any population centers to avoid detection- of the kind typically produced by probes, signalling that its mineral payload was ready for pickup. All there was left to do was go down and pick up whatever it had collected- and try not to think about what would force an orbiting prospector to vacate the premises without his haul.
"Your chosen landing site is very close to the rim of the crater."
Tali glanced up from the helm and looked over the console at her copilot. "Yeah, what about it?"
Legion's single eye oscillated and contracted at her, almost indecipherably. "It seems rather irresponsible for a ship of this size," he said with a shrug.
"'Irresponsible', huh?"
"I mean no disrespect. I just find a distance of only a few feet to be more suited to a shuttle than a ship of this size."
"Oh, please. It's not even half the size of the first Normandy- and that thing was small."
"And I understand that." Legion hesitated, brushing some imaginary dust off the blood-red stripe of his refurbished pauldron. "But you seem rather cavalier about landing on unsteady ground."
"You think it might give out under us?"
"I am only entertaining the possibility. If we land a few yards further away-"
"Well, I don't feel like walking any more than I have to," Tali grumbled.
"Sometimes, organics do not feel like following proper procedure. Statistically speaking, they typically die shortly afterward."
"Really? Name one person."
"It is not my intention to-"
"Name one, Legion."
"Strictly hypothetically-"
"Ha! You've got nothing, don't you? Nothing."
"I was not thinking of anyone in particular," the geth said defensively. "But I am sure that, statistically speaking, there have been many deaths due to willful ignorance." With that, he crossed his arms and turned back to his instrumentation, as he stars outside the canopy wheeled upwards. Then he added, quietly, "And I only meant to say that I did not want you to become one of them." 
The cabin fell into silence for a moment as the edge of the planet came into view. It was finally broken by Tali, who sighed and tapped at her controls.
Legion saw the landing site begin to slide further away from the crater and allowed himself to feel pleased. "Thank you."
"I should've left you home," she replied.
Once the ship had touched down, the two of them made their way to the crater and Legion began the slow descent down to the probe. The wildlife had already started reclaiming the site, and grass and weeds were already growing out of the crater wall; it didn't make it any less steep, but at least he had something to hang on to as he made his way down. Meanwhile, Tali sat atop the cusp and kept watch around the perimeter, legs dangling into the pit and Crusader leaning against her knee. It was a rather pretty world, she had to admit- not unlike some of the holovids she'd seen of garden planets cultivated by humans and asari. If not paradise, then certainly rather close.
"The resource collection module is missing," Legion reported through her helmet.
"What? ...That's not possible," she snapped, looking downwards. At the crater's bottom, she saw Legion shrug at her helplessly and sighed. "I'm coming down," she said, sliding off the rim.
Tali didn't arrive immediately- she was embarrassingly waylaid by some less-than-stable ground that kept slipping out from under her toes, and once or twice she nearly started tumbling head-over-heels the whole way down. When she finally reached the bottom, she stomped past Legion (who tactfully said nothing) and knelt down in front of the probe. Despite feeling around in its repository with her fingers, the resource module failed to materialize.
"The signal should've cut itself off when it was removed!"
"Perhaps it suffered a glitch," her assistant supplied.
"Det kazuat!" Tali stood and gave the casing a sharp kick. She regretted it immediately when an equally-sharp pain developed in her toe. "Damn piece of trash... What a waste of time..."
Legion circled around the back of the probe, inspecting it thoroughly with his optical receptor and rocking it out of the dirt. "We may be able to salvage the probe itself," he reported. "Given enough time, we could even repair it."
"Oh, great! We'll go back to fixing up old junk from the galaxy, just like the old days. Damn it, we could be hauling in palladium right now, or Eezo, or- or something!"
"I realize this is upsetting, but in the interest of saving time- are we taking this, or not?"
Tali sighed. "No, let's take it. At the very least, we can break it down for parts." She looked over her shoulder as she made her way back to the crater wall. "But you're gonna carry it."
Behind her, Legion made a sound like an electronic groan.

---

Tali made sure the ship was in a stable orbit before she went back to check on Legion and his new pet project. It was no great feat to find him, considering the number of separate rooms onboard could be counted on two hands; he was in a tiny chamber made up of little more than a counter running along the walls strewn with miscellaneous tools. The probe was- of course- on the countertop, and Legion stood over it, tinkering with its innards. She leaned against the doorframe and watched him work until he noticed her presence.
"Anything new?" she asked.
"Actually, yes," he said. "It appears this probe came from the Normandy."
Tali was at his side in a flash, and true enough, she saw it for herself- stenciled into one of the panels making up its casing was both the insignia of the Systems Alliance and an 'SR-2', both caked over in light brown dirt. "Leave it to Shepard," she murmured, shaking her head wryly.
"It seems his passion for strip-mining planets has worked to our disadvantage," Legion nodded. He was rather surprised when his quarian partner burst into a full-blown fit of laughter. "Did I amuse you somehow?"
"A little, yeah. Oh, that was good... I'm emailing him that for sure... Uh, anything here you can salvage?"
"A few things. Sensor packages and the black box. I will need more time before I can take an accurate inventory."
"Alright, I'm going to go check on the helium-3 mixers. Call me if you need me."
The geth nodded and began pulling a rack of circuitry as the door hissed shut behind Tali. He could tell immediately that some of it had fried in the casing, but he calculated quickly that it was an easy fix. He turned towards another counter, pawing through the clutter in search of the proper tools, and was completely ignorant of the lilac-colored sludge pouring out of the thruster nozzle and onto the floor.

"Hello there, big guy..."
Legion froze, every one of his unified runtimes buzzing with confusion. That was most certainly not Tali's voice, and there was no one else on the crew apart from himself- so who was speaking? And who, for that matter, was draping their arms over his shoulders like they were some close relation of his? He shook off the arms and turned around, momentarily befuddled by what he saw; what could only be described as a purple snake-woman stood before him, gleaming in the light and- he assumed- completely nude. She had adopted what she must have thought was a 'sultry' pose and was fluttering her eyelids at him coquettishly.
"You are not supposed to be here," he said flatly.
"I hitched a ride," she replied breezily. "I'm looking for Garrus. Tall, scaly guy? Blue facepaint? Makes the cutest noises if you give his feet a little tickle? He around?"
His brow-plate raised questioningly. "How do you know Garrus Vakarian?"
"'Vakarian', eh?" She hummed delightedly, looking intoxicated on some substance or another. "'Garrus Vakarian'... Mmm, what a name..."
Legion shook his head and stepped around her, intending to find Tali. Peripherally, he was aware she was moving, but not necessarily how; one second, she was there, and the next, she was in front of him again, as fluidly and smoothly as a forcefield. For a moment, it seemed- and of course, he must have been mistaken- but it seemed as if her entire being had softened and come apart and re-formed after sweeping into his path. Like moving water, or- or some kind of... living liquid. But that simply wasn't possible- was it?
"You still haven't answered my question," the stranger said petulantly.
Legion looked back and forth between where she had been and where she was now before responding. "...No. No, Garrus is not here."
"Aww, really? That's a shame." She looked sidelong at him, a smile creeping onto her rubbery face. "I guess you'll have to do," she whispered to herself.
"This has gone on long enough. Stay here while I-"
"You're not even gonna ask my name?"
"I have larger concerns-"
"Okay, fine. It's Celia. What's yours?"
"...I am Legion. If it really matters to you."
Celia stepped closer and closer to the geth, until she could run her fingers down his chestplate. "Tell me, Leege... does any of this armor come off?"
Legion went silent for a moment; he was completely flummoxed. "Are you- forgive me, are you seriously propositioning me?"
"Not the way you think I am," she giggled. "C'mon, humor me!"
"I suspect you think I am an organic. I am not- I am geth." Celia stared at him uncomprehendingly. "...A cybernetic lifeform?"
"Leege, buddy, use some smaller words."
"...A very complicated machine?"
"Thank you. So you're some kinda robot, huh? Neato... Still, is there anything under all this metal?" Without further elaboration, she forced her fingertips as far under his breastplate as she could manage and started trying to pry it off. "Here, let me- rrrg, c'mon-"
Legion watched her pull at his torso for only a second before he began resisting. "I do not understand what you are trying to do, but it has gone on for long enough." He pushed her away and let her stumble backwards. "I need to report this-"
"Don't count on it, big guy!" Celia sprang towards him and turned to a thick liquid all at once, blanketing the geth with her entire formless body and sending the both of them falling backwards against the wall. They jarred a number of tools atop the counter out of position, and their clattering underscored Legion's struggle to free himself. In short order, he'd managed to free most of his torso and legs, but a thick blob of Celia was still straddling his hips and draping over his thighs, effectively pinning him even as more of her pooled and inflated underneath him. He closed both mechanical hands around her throat, but it merely turned to goop and squelched out between his fingers. "Hey, hey! No choking!"
"Let go," he growled. Static seeped into his voice with each syllable. "Let go."
"Yeah, not gonna happen." Celia grew a hand and shoved it into Legion's eye as he set about punching her in the side of the head. "Ow. Ow. Ow-"
"Let GO!"
"Okay, you need a time out!"
After a second or two of searching, another hand of Celia's found something with a handle and brought it down into the side of Legion's head; it just so happened to be an arc wrench, and while it was fortunately not set at a high charge, it was still enough to disorient many of his component programs. A few runtimes executed some functions they shouldn't have, and with a series of hiss-snaps, the armor plates around his torso and lower legs came loose and fell off. When Legion finally came to, he glanced down at the pale-gray synthetic flesh underneath- and noticed that Celia had a very worrying grin on her face.

"Keh-keheeheehahaHAH-! W-whahahat are you doooihihing-!?"
"What I would've been doing to Garrus if he were here," Celia replied. She had grown multiple sets of hands and fingers for the job; some fluttered up his sides, others dug into his navel, and still more glided over his soles. "Robo-boys aren't really my thing, but there are worse replacements."
Legion's brow trembled as he tried to make sense of her words. "You- you tihihihickled Garrus?!"
"Ohh, yes- Not that he had much choice." She giggled knowingly and ran a finger over the geth's smooth chest. "A little more bony than my usual fare, but mmm, was he divine... You might not be flesh and blood, but at least you've got more to work with..."
"N-no! Nohohoho! Y-you stop this right no-hohohohow!" The hapless 'robo-boy' writhed around in his sticky lavender prison, tittering helplessly, still desperately hoping he could squirm out of Celia's clutches. It wasn't working- if anything, it only nestled him even deeper into her pillowy form. "Nohoho-hahahaHAHA! St-st-stahahahaaap!"
"Oh, what's wrooong? It's just a little coochy-coochy-coo~o!"
"AHHaha-AAAhahahahaaa! S-stop tahahalking like thaaat!"
"Aw, does saying stuff like tikky-wikky-wikky and hoochie-coochie-coochie booother you?" Celia's grin faded as a thought occurred to her. "Who designs a robot to be ticklish, anyway?"
Legion clammed up as best he could- which wasn't very much, on account of the fingers teasing his arches and belly. "Nnn-n-no data availahahable-"
"You liar! You do know!" All at once, every single one of the snake-woman's fingers thinned and sharpened into blunt claws, all of which began with renewed vigor to claw at the geth's artificial flesh. "C'mon, spill- spill!" she ordered over his electronic howls. "Who did it? Who did it?!"
"NooOOOoo~ hehHEE! NoooohohHOHEEHAHAHAAA! I-I cahaHAHAHahaan't!"
"Yeah you can, yeah you can! C'mooon... c'mooon...! I guess I'm gonna have to loosen your lips a little, huh?"
The geth flinched dramatically, and emitted a static-infused screech, when her fingers scratched into his hips and armpits at the same time. It lowered in pitch, though only slightly, even as tendrils dug into the long, thin pads of his toes. "EEEYAAAHahahahaaAAAaaa! No-NO! NahaHAhahahahaaa~! Please, please, nonono-! AAAhaha-no moore! Pleeee-heeheeheeheeese!!"
But Celia only smiled and redoubled her efforts. "Tell me the tru~uth," she sang, raking over his chest and drawing circles into his heels. "Or it's more goochy-goochy-goo~!"
"Nononoooohohoho! Haha-ghrk-kAAAHAHA! I-WE-WE CAN'T TAKE IHIHIIIT! Tah-TALIII-HEEHEEHEE! HEEELP! HEEEL-PAAAHAHAHAAA!"
"Ohhh- a friend of yours, eh?" Celia hummed thoughtfully to herself, and despite the oddly-fuzzy picture his photoreceptor was transmitting, Legion saw her begin to grow even more- a feat that almost seemed impossible. "Well... I suppose I ought to be prepared, in case they stop by..."
"No-NO!" Hysteria was, for the moment, subdued by panic as Legion summoned the strength to push himself up on his elbows. "Don't-! You can't tickle her! You dohohon't- You don't understaaand-!" Legion threw his head left and right as her claws returned to his soles. His laughter grew tense and terrified- but not for himself.
"Oh, sweetie, I thought you'd realize by now..." The living liquid leaned down towards her victim, a sneer curling her lip and a predatory gleam in her eye. "I can tickle whoever I want."

---

Tali heaved a relieved sigh as the door to the cramped engineering compartment whirred shut behind her. There had been more that required her attention than she thought- the helium-3 mixers had, if anything, been a symptom of the problem rather than the cause. Even with her mechanical aptitude, it had taken her a couple hours to put everything back into order, and all the while she was wishing Gabby and Ken were on hand to help out. Still, at least now it was over- and there wasn't much else the day could throw at her, right?
That assumption was proven to be wildly optimistic when she opened the door to Legion's chamber and found him plastered against the wall by some kind of purple goop- which had grown to blanket nearly the entire room.
"Keelah-! Legion! What in the world happened to you?!" She was at his side in a flash, one hand on his shoulder while the other tried to pull some of the gunk off his arm.
"You need to leave," he whispered.
"And leave you like this? Never! Why would-"
"Tali, run- now- leave me-"
"Calm down, calm down- nobody's getting left in the slime." The quarian stood to look for some manner of cutting implement and discovered, to her displeasure, the soles of her boots had fused to the stretchy violet matter; consequently, she could only lift her feet up a few inches. Walking around was out of the question. "Gah, what is this stuff-?"
"So I'm guessing you're 'Tali', huh? What a lovely name... Rolls right off the tongue..."
Tali half-turned and did a double-take at the rubbery, feminine thing which appeared to have grown out of the muck when she wasn't looking. She quickly recognized that there were a few directions she could take the scenario, and decided to take the diplomatic route. "Y-yes, I am. Tali'Zorah vas Normandy."
"Glad to know you- I'm Celia." The woman stuck out a hand, which Tali obligingly met with her own. ("Don't," Legion groaned, just seconds too late.) "Has anyone ever told you you have a wonderful voice, Tali?"
"Um... thanks?"
"Really, you do- that accent of yours is just darling, I've never heard anything quite like it... Erm, what's with the getup, if you don't mind my asking?"
"I-I kind of need it to live." Tali frowned as she realized just how strong Celia's handshake was. "My immune system is- it's really weak-"
"Well, whatever that means, I'm sure staying cooped up in that thing won't help," the snake replied, inching closer.
"Well, I've been getting better- O-okay, I think you need to back off now- and let go of my hand-"
"But we've hardly begun!" Celia glanced down suddenly, and Tali followed her gaze; with a gasp, she saw that more of the slime had crept up her boots while she wasn't looking, nearly up to her knees. She only had a few seconds to process this information, because suddenly the floor felt like it was ripped out from under her and she landed with a splat on her belly, hands in the muck and feet in the air. The rest of the stuff wasted no time securing her at the waist, knees, and elbows as Celia took a seat on her back. "You see, my lovely Tali, I have this habit..."
Tali stared worriedly at Legion from between the geth's feet, for it was all she could do at the moment. She'd planted the side of her helmet in Celia's residue, and it didn't seem content to let go anytime soon. "What kind of habit involves gunking us up like this?"
The liquid snake gave a haughty laugh, and with a few short pulls, she'd shucked off Tali's boots. "Oh, it's a little quirk of mine," she replied over the quarian's gasp. "If I see a pair of particularly interesting feet, I just have to get at them... and oh my, don't you have quite the succulent little samples!"
"What are you- Oh. Oh, no... oh, no...!"
"I tried to warn you," Legion whispered.

Celia was all too eager to begin exploring her latest prize's limits, and so a number of long, skinny tendrils crept up Tali's ankles and set about heir work. She very quickly discovered that tender quarian soles made for good tickling, and in only seconds a stream of rich laughter was pouring out of Tali's mouth. Naturally delighted, Celia quickly pressed her assault, conjuring a pair of spiny rollers and trundling them over her arches with a smile. "My my, Tali! I haven't even gotten going yet! Is there something about you I should know...?"
"Yehehahaha- YES-hahaha! IhihI'm- I'm really sensitiiive-!"
"Really? Good... It just wouldn't be any fun otherwise! Oh, look at me, I forgot all about Leegie-weegie over there!" In a moment, her claws and feelers were once again playing merry hell on Legion's feet, and he was chortling right along with his creator. "Don't want to leave him out of the action, do we?"
"W-wahahahaait! You haha- you have to stop!" Tali tried to pry herself free of the gunk, but it was just too sticky- and the constant barrage on her arches wasn't helping matters. "It's my imuhuhuuune system-! I-I-I could dihihiie!"
"Oh, please. Immune system, shimmune system- what a crock! If you can't handle a little tickly fun, don't lie about it- you're better off finding yourself another pair of feet." Celia hummed hungrily as a tentacle reached up to enclose Tali's big toes. "Although I'd rather you didn't, haha..."
"No- NOhoho-! Listen- If-if I'm out of my suhuhuit for too lohohohooong- Oh, Keelah, oh, god!- I could get reeheeHEE- really sick! You hahaha- you have to- AAAGH! -LISTEN to me-heeheehee!"
"I am, my precious, I am... Mmmm, I could listen to you foreverrr..."
"HahaHAAA~! Lemme GO, you bihihiitch! M-my lif is on the lihihiiIINE-! OHmigod, not there please!"
"Hey! Language, missy! The mouth on this one..." Celia doubled the number of claws attending to Tali's soles, scribbling around the globes of her heels and raking at the balls of her feet, while sending more tendrils began to suck on her toes and slip underneath her stirrups. For the sake of 'fairness', she did the same to Legion. "Goodness me, you're almost as bad as Garrus...!"
"GAHAHA-Garrus!?" Tali managed to extricate her head without tearing the fabric of her realk and stared at Celia with a mixture of bemusement and shock. "Y-you know Gahaharrus!?"
"Oh, yes- he stopped by one day after that big thing over there crashed into the ground. I gave him a proper Haa welcome, but he hasn't been back since and, well, I got tired of waiting for him to show up... I asked your assistant here if he knew where he got off to, but he wasn't very helpful."
"You-hooHOO! You triggered thehehe- the probe's pickup signahahaaal?!"
"Is that what that beeping thing was? Huh- Honestly, I just crawled around in there until it started making noise and hoped it would bring him back. Tight fit, let me tell you..." The snake chuckled, glancing pointedly at the seat of Tali's suit. "Or maybe I don't."
Tali bit down on a squeal even as tears leaked from her eyes. She hated to bring Garrus into this- especially after learning he'd already been at the mercy of this vile woman- but she'd been given an idea, and she needed to capitalize. "Ihihi- We can take you to him!"
Legion looked up from the tentacles teasing his pectorals, eye dilated in alarm. "Creatohohor- Whaha-what are you doiiing?!"
The geth's concerns were merely secondary; Celia's interest had been piqued, and a thoughtful smile was on her lips. "Oh, can you?" she purred.
"Yes! Yehehehaaaa~! We can, we cahahaan! We know where he is! We ca-hahaHAAA OHGOD STOP!- We can take you to hiiim!" The quarian stopped herself so she could gasp for air. "B-but you have to stop tihihickling us first!"
"Oh. Well. Deal-breaker!" As if on cue, Celia's assorted extensions began to pick up the pace. Claws raked faster. Suckers sucked harder. Rollers grew more spiky. It would take a braver soul than even Z'nth to weather such an assault willingly- but then, none of this was happening by the victim's leave.
"I-I'M SERIOUS!" Tali howled. Her arms twisted in the muck, not to try and free herself, but to get to her sides and hold them together. "You-hooHAHA-you dohohon't know how to fly-hihi!- this thing! LeeEEgion and I- We're ahahaall you've got!"
The geth nodded frantically, but not as frantically as he was wiggling his toes in an effort to shake off the suckers. "Yes- Yeheheeess! You need piiilohohots! We can't fff-AHAHA!- we can't fly if we're stuck heeheehere!"
"So you'd rather I move you to the- the- ship-flying-place and tickle you there?"
"That won't work either-! O-oOOH KEELAH-hahahahaaa~! I-If you're distracting uhuhuus, we might crahash! You have to let us go-hoho!"
For a moment, Celia looked well and truly stumped. Never before had she encountered a situation where she was forced to let her captives go to get what she wanted- it went against her very nature as the perfect tickler. But it seemed the young lady with the delectable toes was right after all... She was a hair's breadth away from agreeing... but then the sinister gleam returned to her eyes, and she waggled a finger in the air, chuckling darkly.
"And to think you almost got me!" she drawled. "No no no, that's not how this works, my dear- You see, I let my toys go when I'm good and ready. Not before, and certainly not because they say so. And now that you've gone and shown me your hand like that, I know just what to do!"
Legion's gaze flitted from creator to captor nervously. "Ahaha-and that is?"
"I'll let you go- eventually," the snake replied, spinning around and resting her heels atop Tali's head. "When I've broken you... when I've tickled you for so hard and so long you can't even imagine life without my touch... when I ask you to take me to Garrus and you don't beg for me to stop- you beg for me to start. On my terms, when I say so." For a moment, she snapped out of her sinister veneer, giggling self-consciously. "Haha, it's kinda fun being the 'bad girl'- I wonder if this is what being L'fftah is like!"
Tali shook Celia's feet off her crown, glaring despite her relative helplessness. "N-no," she grunted. "We do this on my terms."
"We'll see about that..."

As undaunted as Tali had appeared by Celia's ultimatum, very soon she and Legion were beginning to worry they weren't going to measure up to the quarian's words. The living liquid had risen to the challenge with significantly more vim than either of them had hoped, and she was deploying every devious trick in her arsenal to get them to fold- including some that neither of them were expecting. For example, Celia had made a pair of flaps that enclosed Legion's sides, from his armpits to his hips; very soon afterwards, another pair of them molded around his soles. Dozens of tiny nubs and spikes grew out of these flaps and rubbed against his skin in sometimes-rythmic, mostly-erratic motions. Occasionally, they would move in zig-zaging motions or in large blocks and small circles and other tessellating patterns, but mostly, they just tickled terribly- and the hapless geth couldn't stand a second of it. His eyestalk thrashed every which way, and his laughter was less a steady organic cadence and more loud, hiccuping electronic screeching. Celia could care less about him, though- her real target was the quarian. The rest was white noise- literally.
Comparatively, Tali was getting off rather light, but this was just at face value. Celia had discerned her efforts were more effective on Tali regardless of whether she was using claws or rollers or any of her other tricks, so by and large all she had to do was just keep alternating her tactics and turning up the pressure until she eventually cracked. Not that she was complaining, mind- she would gladly spend hours with only Tali's slender soles available for her to tease and torment at her discretion. Besides, with the girl lying on her belly, there wasn't much chance of getting any more of her suit off- but inspiration struck a few moments later, when Celia discovered a... minimally-invasive approach. The poor thing was in hysterics before, but once she began dribbling down the legs of her suit, Tali was positively squealing with breathless laughter. Celia grinned and let her tendrils play around in the pits of the quarian's knees, but she went no further- though she badly wanted to.
"Still liking your chances, dear?"
"KAHAHAAAAhahaha-G'heeheeHEYAAAHAHAA!! B-bahaha-hhnnngh-! GyahaHAAAHAHAhehehHAHAHAAA~!"
"Ohh, does it tickle, Tali-wali? Does it tickle baaad? Mmm, if only there was some way you could make it stop..."
"Sh-shove it! I-hihihaHAA- I'm not your tohohoyyy! Neither of us ahaha-are!"
"Really? Could have fooled me..." Celia glanced sidelong at Legion, reclining against Tali's back as if she were a lounge chair. "How about you, Tin Man? How're you holding up?"
"OH-hohoho- nnngah, hhkzxtbl-GKKK-kssshnonono, no, no more, pleasePLEASE, I can't, no carrier, no carrier, TalipleaseIcan'tmakeherstohohohop-"
The liquid snake chuckled and poked Tali in the shoulder insistently. "Hey, he doesn't look too good, does he? Don't you wish there was something you could do for him?"
"You-you bihiHIHIIITCH-! You'll pahahaay for this, I swehehear-!"
"Tali, honey, I'm not the bad guy here. I'm just a simple woman trying to make my way in the... uh... big- sky- place- um. Help, please?"
"Huhuhu-universe?"
"Thank you. What I'm saying is, there's no need for this to be unpleasant. Just accept the fact that you and him and Garrus are all gonna be my pets from now on, and we can move on with our lives. Whaddya say, huh? Besties?"
Tali ducked her head for a minute, still giggling and squirming, but apparently engaged in a bout of deep introspection. "Ohoho-On one condihihition!" she finally cried.
"Uh-uh-uh. No 'conditions'. Just for that, you get a toe-scratching."
"Nonono, wai-HAHAHAHA! L-Listen to meee-heeheeHEEHAHA! LISTEN!"
Celia sighed dramatically, and relaxed her efforts a great deal more than she really wanted to. "Fine. Only because you're adorable when you beg."
The quarian had to take a moment to catch her breath before continuing. "I'll- I'll fly the ship for you. I'll take you to... to Garrus. I will- I swear it- and..." She gulped. "And I'll let you tickle me the whole way. As long as it takes. If I get sick... if I die... it happens."
"Wait... That's seriously the truth? Jeez, I thought you were making that up." Celia patted the quarian on the head in a way she must have thought was reassuring. "Don't worry, I won't let you die- you're much too cute."
"Thanks," Tali replied, ungratefully.
"But anyway- what's your one condition?"
"Leave him out of it. He's had enough."
The both of them looked over at Legion, slumped against the wall and seemingly completely unresponsive. His eyebulb flickered intermittently, and there was a burning smell coming from his corner of the room.
"Do I have to?" Celia whined.
"Yes!"
"He's a machine- he can take it!"
"Do you want to track down Garrus, or not?"
"Rrrg... fine. Leegie gets a break. Happy?"
"Yes," Tali replied primly. "Now let me go, so I can go fly."

Moments after her release, Tali was leading Celia down the hall of the ship toward the cockpit, antibiotics flooding through her veins and boots- for the moment- back on her feet once more. The lavender snake-woman was watching her impatiently, no doubt itching for the chance to pounce and strip them off again, but Tali had other ideas.
"Here," she said, pointing into a side room. "How about you wait here and I'll get back to you?"
Celia raised a non-existent eyebrow, crossing her arms skeptically. "Why in the world would I wait in this completely empty room and let you walk away?"
"I figure this could be, uh... your room. Since I'm guessing you don't need much? And besides, it's got plenty of space to... well, you know..."
"Ahhh- good thinking! The last one was so cluttered, but this- this is pretty open." The living liquid took a few steps into the room, nodding as the idea grew on her. "A bit of a fixer-upper, but once I really move in... yeah, this'll do great! This was a great idea, Tali!"
"I know," the quarian replied, and pressed the button that would close and lock the door. Then she hit the smaller button next to it- the one that said 'Cycle Airlock'- before heading back to check on Legion, who had marginally recovered.
"Are you okay?" she asked as she began fitting his armor back on.
His eyestalk regarded her as tiredly as a geth could appear to do so, drooping and limp. "I should have stayed home," he murmured.
Tali laughed and gave him a tickle on the navel.

---

Celia experienced a very short and very fast flight through the firmament before coming to rest back on solid ground, rattled into shapelessness and much, much warmer than she had once been but still very much in one piece. Once she'd collected her senses, she reformed her head and stuck it out like a periscope, craning it skywards, watching for any moving stars far up in the sky.
"Well, that was rude," she grumbled.
She suddenly became aware there was something underneath her, and quickly determined her unlucky cushion had purple scales, elegantly-curling horns, and very little clothing.
"Why, if it isn't Issuvi! Haven't seen you around in a while... What say we make up for lost time?"
The Argonian groaned and dropped her face into her arms.